This cat enjoys flute jokes

Flute Jokes: Everyone Needs Them

Author: Jason Brame Published on: October 31, 2020

For some reason, we often become the subject of various flute jokes out in the world. Now, this is not just a flute phenomenon, every instrument family has its own set of jokes, punch lines, and puns. But as this is all about flute jokes, we wanted to share some of our favorites with you.

Now, there are plenty of jokes that are... off color... as well as some that appeal to a "flute stereotype" - we've done our best to keep this list full of clean fun. Just remember, they are jokes. We do not mean to offend anyone and we apologize if we do.

Flute Players Playing In Tune?

Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?

A: Two flutes playing in unison.

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

Q: Did you hear about the flutist who played in tune?

A: Neither did I.

Oh... that's punny...

Q: Why was the flutist arrested?

A: He was in treble.

Q: What musical instrument would a cucumber play?

A: A pickle-o.

Q: Why do all the other wood-wind instrument players envy flutes?

A: Because they’re the only winds eligible for the no-bell prize.

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that flute I saw you with last night?” The other replies, “That was no flute, that was my fife.”

Q: What do flute players eat for breakfast?

A: Flute Loops (Yea... that one was particularly bad... but... I'm a dad... so... dad jokes...)

Q: How do you hold a Baroque flute?

A: You Handel it carefully.

When the flutist found out she was making less money than the cellist was making... She wondered what the bass salary is.

A lieutenant of a marching band had lost his piccolo, he went to a music instrument-store and asked for a piccolo. The store keeper said that they ran out of stock of piccolos but he could rent out a flute, the lieutenant agreed promptly. After the performance the lieutenant came back to the store to return the flute. The store keeper asked if he was the flute tenant. No I am the lieutenant

Is Flute Music... Bad...???

Disclaimer: I love flute music... but I also think these jokes are funny...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get away from the flute recital.

Q: What’s the difference between a flutist and God?

A: God doesn’t think he’s a flutist.

Q: What’s the range of a piccolo?

A: About thirty yards, if you have a good arm.

Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Q: How do you get a million dollars playing the flute?

A: Start off with 2 million.

Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?

A: Leave it in a flute case.

Flutist: Did you hear my last recital?

Friend: I hope so.

Q: What does a flute and a lawsuit have in common?

A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

That's Not How I Remember It...

Q: Why were flutes invented?

A: To hit the person on the right.

Q: Why were piccolos invented?

A: To give the whole orchestra a headache.

You Got That Right...

Marriage is like playing the flute. It looks easy until you try it.

You know you've been playing flute too long when:

  • You tongue while whistling.
  • You hold pens upright on your knee.
  • You think of a tin whistle as an accessory.
  • You know all the differences between flutes and piccolos besides the size.
  • You can play four different Bbs.
  • Your biggest accomplishment of the day is getting all the spit off the top of the inside of the head joint.
  • You've had more than one flute.
  • You've had a piccolo stuck to your tongue.

Photo by The Last Cookie |CC BY

Jason Brame

Jason Brame

I am a music director in Central Florida and I have a Bachelor of Music in Flute Performance from UNC-CH and Masters in Music Theory and Orchestral Conducting from Texas Tech University. I have done extensive arranging for various musical instrumentations from solo instruments to full orchestral and styles from classical to pop/rock for various local music organizations, and have music directed several community theater productions. I have a passion around modern repertoire and orchestral music.